M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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