it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
