i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
