i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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