here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
