listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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