What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
