She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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