Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
