This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
