is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
