____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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