I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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