I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize