i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
