What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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