What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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