Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
