I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
false alarm, still single
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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