I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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