If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
