All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
