If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
