its not stalking. its research.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
