Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
