Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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