Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I will pee on everything he values.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
