It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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