my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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