well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
