High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
