i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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