You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
