Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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