The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
