Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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