Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
