At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
