i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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