just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I had to cum in my sink.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
