She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
