Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
