Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
