Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
