the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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