Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
