Don't you send me to vm
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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