remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
