Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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