The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
