just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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