If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
