Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
