I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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