he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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