Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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