Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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