Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
