I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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