she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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