I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
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Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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