Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
