i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
