I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
