does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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