she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
