The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
