Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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