you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
