i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
