mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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