Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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