So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize