Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
