What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
